Monday, December 14, 2009

my college experience

id like to address something thats been bothering me for a while...

since ive entered college (and please tell me if uve had a different experience) that everyone seems to have put up a front or some kind of barrier blocking us from seeing their true selves. everyone seems so guarded yet desperate for a close friendship. i dont understand why this is... are u afraid to admit you are suicidal? are u afraid everyone will call you emo bc thats society's new group to shit on? are u afraid to admit that youre insecure and that u need people to stand beside you to hold you up or else ull drown in ur own self doubt? and once people admit these things instead of feeling close and intimate it feels awkward and too premeditated. people wind up knowing each other really well without that feeling of togetherness and security. everyone is afraid to say what they really think and others are so desperate they blurt out their problems too soon. what is too soon? why do we worry about these things? i feel that in college we need close friendships more than ever yet they are so difficult to gain. not only that but no one really seems to want to put forth the effort and would rather run to their old friends for support. or maybe this is just me? i mean, i have issues. people know i have issues. i hide the full extent of my issues, but i have no problem admitting to their surfaces. and whats with the bitter people who act so tough? i know ur crying behind all that. trying to hide the fact that ur just a pussy on the inside; afraid people wont except you for that. and those other people who like to bring others down to make urself look intimidating and intelligent; i know u dont even mean half the things you preach and that ur so arrogant because behind that wall you dont believe in yourself. im tired of it. its true acting like ur confident grants you confidence eventually, but does it really? on the inside do u still question urself? 

why did the world make u so bitter? are you broken? afraid to admit that youre broken? 

id really like to know. 

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